3 Reasons Why People Get Anxious While “Waiting”
by Samantha Woo, MSW, LCSW, Licensed, Certified Anxiety Therapist
We all know the anxiety that comes over kids on a long road trip: “Are we there yet?” And that anxiety seems to linger into adulthood for many when we are “waiting” or in “transition” of sorts.
Whether it is a long check-out line at the grocery store, or the waiting of global proportions as for a vaccine for the current Covid-19 pandemic, there is anxiety surrounding the waiting— for an answer, a resolution, or an “arrival” of sorts. So why does this happen, even if cognitively we know the end of the waiting period will eventually come?
To help us understand this in a more relational context, let’s consider some fancy words for a moment:
Mystery of “Liminal space”( a fancy word for transition):
Liminal space is the concept of the “inbetween” space where things are not what it was, but it is not yet what it will be . Many quote Richard Rohr about liminal space: “Where we are betwixt and between the familiar and the completely unknown. There alone is our world left behind while we are not yet sure of the new existence”. You don’t have to think hard about the angst of the teen who is no longer a child, but yet not an adult. With this in-between stage comes many complex, eerie, and anxious feelings. Maybe the discomfort is the tension of knowing change is happening but many times mysteriously and erratically in this space, giving those who live with teens some level of traumatic anxiety...which brings us to the fundamental fear and anxiety of humanity in general :
Fear of the unknown: what’s around the corner?
From monsters in the closet for kids, to fear about the future for parents, much of the anxiety is about things that we do not know. This may give us some understanding why people take solace in believing things and being in “denial” of other things, as they feel much more secure believing anything, than staying anxious in the unknown. It is the system’s coping mechanism for a deep fear. Hopefully, this can help us all be a little more empathic when people dig in with their differing beliefs, especially in contentious areas such as politics or religion.
Anticipatory loss:
Another important aspect that we sometimes may overlook is the anxiety in “anticipatory loss” of something we are leaving behind while in the transition. For example, if a person is going through a painful legal separation from a spouse or partner, this anticipation of a potential and upcoming loss or “anticipatory loss” of divorce and end of the marriage/family would obviously cause much anxiety. Same is true when we are taking care of terminally ill loved ones, or aging parents. There is a painful awareness either consciously or unconsciously of an upcoming separation, and the grief that will follow. The grieving process is actually already in process with the anxious and irritable feelings that occur before the awareness.
Anxiety envelopes the in-between stages, but in the process, may be covering grief, loss, and other attachment issues. Hopefully, knowing there are some reasons for the nervousness in waiting can help us be kinder to ourselves when we get that way, and much kinder to others who are experiencing similar anxious feelings.
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/healing-together/2017/03/the-space-between-what-was-and-whats-next-the-liminal-space/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-creativity-cure/201306/creativity-and-the-liminal-space